Little Johnny was in church when the wine and wafers were passed out. His mother leaned over and told him that he was not old enough to partake in the Communion. |
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Communion
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Commuting
This is a transcript between a commuter and the railroad company, regarding services of the latter. |
Monday, March 29, 2010
Cowboy Boots
Anyone who has ever dressed a child will love this one! Did you hear about the Texas teacher who was helping one of her kindergarten students put on his cowboy boots? He asked for help & she could see why. Even with her pulling and him pushing, the little boots still didn't want to go on. Finally, when the 2nd boot was on, she had worked up a sweat. She almost cried when the little boy said, "Teacher, they're on the wrong feet." She looked and sure enough, they were. It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on, this time on the right feet. He then announced, "These aren't my boots." She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and scream, "Why didn't you say so?" like she wanted to. And, once again she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off his little feet. No sooner they got the boots off and he said, "They're my brother's boots. My Mom made me wear 'em." Now she didn't know if she should laugh or cry. But, she mustered up the grace and courage she had left to wrestle the boots on his feet again. Helping him into his coat, she asked, "Now, where are your mittens?" He said, "I stuffed 'em in the toes of my boots." Her trial starts next month . . |
Dinner Prayer
A woman invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to her six-year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?" |
Friday, March 26, 2010
Praying to arrow
A daddy was listening to his child say his prayer "Dear arrow" |
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Monday, March 15, 2010
Night Watchman
A man got a job as a night watchman at a factory. There had been a lot of thefts by the workers on the night shift, and so every morning when the night shift workers passed through his gate it was his job to check their bags and pockets to make sure that nothing was being stolen. |
Friday, March 12, 2010
Career Choices
My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned... couldn't concentrate. |
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Ordering Coffee
"No thanks," said John, "I'll just have a cup of black coffee." "I'll have black coffee, too," Jake said. "And please make sure the cup is clean." The waitress shot him a nasty look. She turned and marched off in to the kitchen. Two minutes later, she was back. "Two cups of black coffee," she announced. "Which one of you wanted the clean cup?" |
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
School Notes
These are real notes written from parents in a Mississippi School District. (Spellings have been left intact.) My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him. Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot. Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33 Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days.Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip. John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face. Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side. Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault. I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because I don't know what size she wear. Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday. Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night. |
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Nice One...
The next night the man and his wife were driving to a res- taurant. Suddenly he looked down and spotted a high-heel shoe half hidden under the passenger seat. Not wanting to be conspicuous, he waited until his wife was looking out her window before he scooped up the shoe and tossed it out of the car. With a sigh of relief, he pulled into the restaurant parking lot. That's when he noticed his wife squirming around in her seat. "Honey," she asked, "have you seen my other shoe?" |
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Thinking fast, by kids in grade school
TEACHER: Why are you late? |
Monday, March 1, 2010
Class Pictures
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. "Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.' A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, She's dead." |